“I truly believe I am not afraid of death. What I shrink from, I believe, is the shame of dying as stupid and befuddled as I am.”
― J.M. Coetzee, Waiting for the Barbarians

Okay, here is an informal poll for undecided voters in the upcoming presidential election who watched the first debate Tuesday night September 29:

Question 1:

What part of crazy did Donald J. Trump not exhibit in the first debate September 29?

a. Public masturbation

b. Screeching like a wild banshee

C. Lying in an apoplectic manner

d. Committing repeated acts of boorish behavior and acting like an ass

Caveat: If you said a you are correct although we don’t know what those tiny hands were doing behind the lectern.

Question 2:

Donald J. Trump came off as

a. Sick puppy

b. Yellowish green slimy slug

c. An angry puffer fish

d. All the above

Question 3:

As an undecided voter, Trump’s performance prompted them to

a. Blow chunks of their dinner across the living room

b. Run screaming to the Biden camp

c. Look around with a quizzical look on their faces wondering if they had

wandered into the Coney Island Fun House rather than the debate venue

d. Go violently berserk and start grabbing pussies with abandon

Question 4:

What hidden talent did Trump reveal over the course of the debate?

a. His ability to hold a one-man debate while others looked on

b. A penchant for stomping on little Chris Wallace like a bug scuttling across the stage

c. The truly amazing talent of protruding his lower lip well beyond the length of his beak like nose

d. Alternating snorting and puffing out his cheeks like a puffer fish (see question 2 above)

Question 5:

What one word sums up Trump’s performance Tuesday evening?

a. Bizzare

b. Putinish

c. Buttholerly

d. Skanky

What major lesson did the world take away from the debate?

a. America is a land of racist twits not worthy to lick the bootheels of the other industrialized nations

b. Republicans are jerks and assholes

c. No head of state should be extending invitations for visitations in their home country or in the United States

d. There is a very special kind of craziness at 1400 Pennsylvania Ave in Washington, D.C.

After you finish, please delete this message and put on your seatbelts, there are two more debates to go. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster protect us. We are fucked.